I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I didn't notice because vodka
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
there is puke in my bra ... again
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
