i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
