I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
