What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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