Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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