I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
