porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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