Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
