I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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