ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
