Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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