Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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