she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
