I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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