This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
