your parents love me but you hate me
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
