The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
