we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
