I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
