So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
