Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
