that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
