Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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