I'm eating all of the evidence.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
