the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Drunk is a universal language darling
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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