I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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