Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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