Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
