i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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