I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
