Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
