Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
