i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
