Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Randomize
