Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
