Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
