I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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