I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
