Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
