i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
