guys are not supposed to queef...right?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
