last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
