I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
