New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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