worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
