You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
