I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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