yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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