she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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