Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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